Coping with Another Dysfunctional Family Holiday

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Created on Sunday, 11 December 2011 04:02

Written by Maria Tadd

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You are seated at the table enjoying a holiday meal and as you take your first bite of a scrumptious chocolate mousse your mother whispers in your ear, “Honey, have you tried Jenny Craig?” You had hoped that this year would be different - that the barrage of criticisms would take a holiday, at least just this once. 

They say hope springs eternal. But for dysfunctional family gatherings, the experts suggest that you should give up the idea that things will change, that things will be better, particularly, if your family doesn’t fit the Norman Rockwell mold. Accepting what is, knowing that a tiger can’t change its stripes will help you cope as you take on the role of the observer. Instead of getting caught up in the drama, just sit back and watch it unfold. Try to stay in the moment.  

Assess your tolerance level before the event. How much time can you spend with your family before you go bonkers? Will you feel comfortable leaving after several hours? Or if you are stuck there for a few days, would it help to have a friend call you to help you break away from the insanity? 

When things seem to be getting out of control, take some deep breaths. Perhaps if one particular family member is really annoying you, try to synchronize your breathing with that person. This can help connect your heart chakra with theirs and help to diffuse the anger that might be coming to the surface. Silently say some affirmations. Be true to yourself. 

And when it is all over, and you are back home, debrief. If you have to share the events with a relative or friend, do so. Having a reality check now and then can be very affirming.

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